Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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