Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
