You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Found the puke drawer
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
