I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
