you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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