I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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