Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
