The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
