i wish my penis had a tongue
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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