That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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