I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
