that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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