She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
