Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
