Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
