Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
