babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
