The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
