wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
