Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
