I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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