were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
