Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
sarcasm needs its own font
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We are two peas in an std pod
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
