Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
