3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
