I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize