last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
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Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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