last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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