i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
