dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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