Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
