I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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