Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
