Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
