I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
