I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
