Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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