I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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