My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
