I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
