If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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