How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
