So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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