My room smells like vodka and shame
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
