booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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