dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
