I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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