is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
