but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
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So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
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But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize