fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
