I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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