She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
