I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
