Define "chronic" masturbator.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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