girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
