Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize