I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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