All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
