She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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