the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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