If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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