I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
