Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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