I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
