im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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